


Pineapple?!

by ValentineRevenge



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, Gen, Nnoitra is a Twat, Parody, Renji's Pineapple Hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2124849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentineRevenge/pseuds/ValentineRevenge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nnoitra tries making peace with Renji, only to be a spectacular failure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pineapple?!

**An AU in which nobody died, and they're trying to solve the issues between Hueco Mundo and Soul Society! xD**

"Look, Jiruga, you and Abarai had some of the same interests and goals." Aizen said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

"And what might those be?" Nnoitra rasped, crossing his bony arms across his equally bony chest. 

"If I remember correctly, you both enjoy fighting to gain strength, drinking, and generally slacking off."

"And yer point?"

"We're supposed to play nice with Soul Society now."

"And?" 

"Go take him out for drinks or something." Aizen sighed in exasperation. Did he really have to spell everything out for thefifth?

"Fine." Nnoitra spat, slinking off in a spoony manner.

An hour later, he tracked down the lieutenant. 

"Yoooo, Abarai!" He hollered in the general direction of the redhead.

Said man turned around and looked at him with a mix of curiousity and distaste. As much as he was supposed to be friendly to the Hollows, he wouldn't mind rearranging this guy's face for him. In fact, he'd take pleasure in doing so, considering the creepy piano key smile he had going on. "What do you want, Spoonman?"

Nnoitra's face fell. "Aizen got all, 'ermahgawd, soul reapers are friends! Go talk to this dude!' so here I am!"

"Oh-kay...." Renji said slowly, hand immediately going to the hilt of his sword. 

"So I brought you a peace offering." he continued like nothing happened.

"A peace offering?" Renji asked, his tattooed eyebrows drawing nearer together in suspicion. 

"Yeah bro, Szayel said get you something of your kind, so here ya go!" Nnoi said, bringing his hand from behind his back. 

In his hand was a pineapple, the top painted red, a face drawn on it with crude impressions of Abarai's tribal markings, and a bandanna tied just below it's 'hair'. It seemed to have been a caricature of the lieutenant. 

"The fuck is this?! You're just insulting me! I'll poke your other eye out for that!"

At this, Nnoitra let out the girliest squeal of life, dropping the pineapple and running away as fast as his long scrawny legs would take him, which, due to his height, was very fast.


End file.
